Rocky

I glanced at the clock for the 6^th time in the past 5 minutes. Today was one of those unfortunate days of the year when the clock seemed to tick slower than time itself. It seemed to be cheating me. Teasing me painfully. It held me back from forgetting the past, desensitizing my present and escaping my future. I felt frozen in time – flooded with the same spectrum of emotions. Finally, the small needle in the wall clock pointed at 8 and the long needle sluggishly shifted to 6. It was time for his call.

The 8 o' clock news ended and commercials began. My mind had hardly focused on the news today. I shifted uneasily in my seat. I knew I was nervous. I felt ashamed of calling myself a mother of two kids. However hard I tried to constrain my emotions, they seemed to envelop me even more powerfully. I felt clumsy. I hate it when such unpleasant emotions cajole me into their possession. The events of the day had been tormenting me like an innocent kid caught in a room full of smoke. It chocked. It hurt.

I had barely managed to prepare 5 ways of breaking the news, none of which satisfied me. How could I? Whom could I turn to for help? Nicholas Sparks? Rowling? But then again, they might just be capable of synchronizing the right words so that I could spill the truth in the most polished fashion. It was going to hurt anyway. I sat next to the telephone table, nervous. Just then a thought struck me. Maybe I could lie to him, just once.

However, the very thought of deception made me feel guilty. Even before I could prepare myself to bluff, my conscience began to itch. It engulfed me into some kind of an invisible gravity that pulled me from falsehood. I wasn't going to be able to do this, unless my son makes a birthday wish that his mother could tell lies for one whole day. Jim Carrey's Liar Liar was having its due impact on me. As if transporting me back to reality, the phone rang. I identified his number in the caller ID. I picked up the phone after 4 rings.

"Hellooo!!! Hi ma! Dinner over?" He enquired. He sounded happy.

"Yes dear. How about you? How was your day?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice from shaking. I knew I was being pathetic at the attempt.

"Yes ma. Done. Grandma made rotis for dinner." He said cheerfully.

As our conversation began to build up, I seemed to get even worse with my tone. My voice began to drown within the lump that was building up in my throat. Finally, he shot me with the inevitable question.

"So, how is Rocky? Did you take him for his evening stroll?" He asked. Today, these words sounded like gunshot right into my ears. Every time he asks me this question, I know how much he misses our pet. Rocky misses him too.

Rocky has been with us since Ajay was in his 2^nd class. Ajay has always loved dogs and wanted a German Shepherd. When given the choice of a cycle or pet, he picked Rocky. Ajay didn't mind walking to school or for his piano lessons. For the past 3 years, Ajay has been taking excellent care of Rocky - taking him out for walks after dinner, playing with him, talking to him first thing when he got back from school, bathing him with the car washing hose pipe every Sunday morning, disciplining him to be a good friendly dog, buying him the best dog biscuits and treating him more like another member of our family. He saved all the money that he got for his birthday and Diwali, borrowed a little from his sister and built a kennel for Rocky. He used to tease his elder sister saying that Rocky barked better than her. It used to turn her wild. One of Rocky's first angry paw mark on Ajay's chest still remains. He says it's the symbol of their togetherness.

Last night, Rocky died of an electric shock from a live wire that had fallen outside his kennel due to the shattering rains. The unusual silence in the morning when the milkman knocked the gate told me something was not quite right. The thundering rains had muted Rocky's squeals of pain. Rocky was gone. The kennel is now empty. Our home is empty. Ajay is going to miss him forever.

After a lengthy, uncomfortable moment of speechlessness, my voice broke. "Oh! Yes, I did. He is good." I lied. I was bad. I knew it.

"I don't hear him barking. Has he gotten back to his kennel already? Its too early for him, isnt't it?" He questioned, like a topnotch lawyer utterly sure that he was going to bag this case in his favour.

I remained quiet. I was fighting a cold war with myself holding myself from spurting out the disastrous news. It would have to be unveiled soon enough. I wanted to postpone it. Maybe I could just hold on and tell Ajay about Rocky once he gets back home for the weekend. But, it was going to hurt as much then, as it would now.

"Amma! What happened? Are u there? Is everything ok?" He shot back. He sounded suspicious.

I bit my lips so hard with my teeth that I was beginning to taste my own salty blood ooze out of the corner of my lips. My tongue refused to come to terms with my mind. I was losing my own battle. My voice ultimately sought refuge in confession. Even before I knew what was happening, I realized that I had blurted out to Ajay about Rocky's ill-fate. Like a pack of cards falling down one after another, emotions came crashing down. I cursed myself. The truth remained that I could not lie to him.

My words were replied with sore silence. I could hear him whimper. I could imagine his warm shiny pearl of tear. I could feel his numbness and then, finally, I heard him scream Rocky's name aloud.

'Rocky cant hear anymore.' I thought.

I wish I were wrong. Rocky could perhaps be barking in angry retreat and maybe only Ajay could hear his friend. Maybe...