Swarmed by questions...

Helllooooooooooo ppl!!! How u guys doin???? I am doing great. As planned, i completed all my assignments, only to realise that i have the next set of online tests and an assignment lined up for this week!!!PHEW!!! I cant wait for my mid-semester break thats coming up this month end. And yeah, can u guys believe that i am almost into completing half my semester??!! I remember how you guys were consoling me with the fact that time would fly once school begins. For sure, time is flying, out of control!!. And guys, no wat???? My teddy arrived from India this week!!! I am sooooooooo excited about it. It feels like some friend has come over to stay with me and give me good company. Thanks to my uncle who brought it for me. And yeah, my mom sent other eatables like, potato chips from Hot Chips, choc chip biscuits, cashew macroons and haldirams snacks!!! Hehe :)

And hey, here is my teddy!!! He was damn tired after the long travel from Chennai to S'pore. So, he looks really weary na!!! Hehe :)

Ok, jokes apart. Lets get down to the topic, a serious one this time. This weekend, while i was talkin to my mom, i told her that i was planning to get a haircut done. Not a very short one though. But, something which can break the monotony of my looks. As soon as the words left my mouth, immediately she protested. She sounded as if, when i get back to India with this new hair style, people might get into false impressions and pass uneasy comments. She feels that i need to maintain the identity that i have always had within my family and in my neighbourhood (be it my looks or my attitude). Who knows, if i had not come to S'pore, i might still have wanted a change. It is all a matter of exploring and getting to "feel good" about oneself. My personal opinion is that the so-called "foreign return" identity of mine has nothing to do with my change of looks (if it does), as long as i remain the same by character and attitude, which am sure i will.


This aroused other wierd questions in my mind. Why is it that certain trivial decisions that i need to take in my life need consultation??? Why cant i simply go ahead with certain thoughts??? Havn't i grown up enough to become a young adult??? Have i not had enough "hard" lessons in life that give me the experience, courage and right to take decisions my way??? If my happiness is what gives them joy, then am i not allowed to take decisions that i feel will make me happy??? Should i be worried about all the gossip that people might come up with??? Or should i bother about my dreams, wishes and desires?? Is this not my only opportunity to exploit the resources of life and learn from my successes and failures??? Or is it 'coz this is my only opprotunity that i need to take on life without risks??? Ultimately, is it not my life's decisions that i wish to take???


Now, now, dont get me wrong. Its not that i dont have the interests of my parents in mind or that i am too self-centred about my desires in life. Its my age and my immaturity that makes me come up with such questions. To tell u the truth, my mom was dead-against letting me come off to S'pore. It was a hard decision I made. Still, personally i know how much of self-councelling she had to bend herself to, so that she could one day see her daughter happily settled with her dreams fulfilled. In a way, we both have sacrificed a lot. Not to leave behind my dad. He has been one huge source of inspiration and support to both of us. God only knows how much grief and pain he kept burrowed while he was consoling my mom and trying to guide me too. Moreover, though i am the only girl in our nuclear, as well as our master family, i am happy that i was not a pampered kid. Else, i might have taken many things for granted and not have been instilled with certain basic ethics of life.


Going back to my random thoughts. Its probably every mother's nature to look upon her son/daughter as a kid, no matter how old they are. It is also parental nature to be protective over their chilren and make sure that every decision taken by their kid be right, especially if the kid is far away from home. That's probably why my parents insist that i stick to their suggestions. Considering the fact that i am still dependent on them, it is true that my parents have the right over certain paths that i am goin to take in my life. Being all by myself, i have the complete freedom to do what i want, but it is upto me to limit myself with the space i have. I need to have self-control and i need to keep my people in trust. I need to maintain my individuality. Now that i have seen more of this world, my attitude towards life has surely changed (for the good that is). A closed nerdy brain that was once before, now feels the need for some adventure, few mis-givings, small lies and excitement. Its in this stage that i can explore the world to the wierdest of imaginations and also learn my valuable lessons in life. For heaven's sake, i cant be experimenting with my hairstlye when i am 50 years old or go out on late night outings!!! :P


So, i have loads to think about and take certain decision of life, ensuring that i hurt none and also make myself happy. That, i believe is the greatest challenge of life. In no way do i mean to hurt my mom or my dad's feelings in this regard. Its just an honest flow of thoughts that i have scribbled. I still wish to be identified as their daughter. I shall sincerely respect their decisions for, i have also experienced how bad things can get if i dunt. So, no hair cut until i get a green signal from mom!! :) Oki, i guess i shall conclude it here. These thoughts have been haunting my mind since this weekend. Now that i have given them a vent, i can rest in peace and go on with my lessons. So, people... take care... have an awesome week. I hope to be back with something refreshing next time.. Till then... Chiao!!! Hugggzzzz!!!